Keeping One Step Ahead Of The Kris Kringle Within.
Bob Dylan’s Christmas In The Heart has been out for nearly a month now and I’ve successfully avoided it for the most part, strictly adhering to my no-Christmas-music-before-the-Thanksgiving-dishes-are-dry policy.
But now comes the release of Dylan’s absolutely bonkers video for Must Be Santa. It is joyful, festive, and completely bizarre. Further analysis is needed, but my initial thoughts are that it feels like some sort of Mad Men office party gone wrong (minus the John Deere mower and a mangled foot). Odds are, it’s the first Christmas-themed music video to end with a man jumping through a window (there’s one at every party though, isn’t there?). Finally, for some odd reason, I keep expecting Shane MacGowan to show up at some point (must be the combination of madness and accordion). Maybe he should have been cast as Santa.
Needless to say, I love it.
A personal anecdote: Though well-versed since babyhood in holiday classics, I had never heard Must Be Santa until my first grade teacher made the class sing it. Because we 6-year-olds had an underdeveloped sense of melody, harmony and diction, I had an awful time trying to figure out the words to the chorus (are they singing “musty Santa”? Or maybe “frosty Santa”?).
Bonus: Dylan performing a punky new wave power-pop version of Jokerman on Letterman, circa 1984. Chicano punk band The Plugz are backing him.
The Future Is In Eggs
This morning, I packed myself a sort of odds-and-ends lunch – hard-boiled egg, apple, banana, and a box of raisins. And by “packed”, I mean “placed in a plastic bag”. When I got to work, I noticed that the egg (which I consider the crown jewel of this lunch) was gone. It probably rolled out of my bag when I set it down on the N train. Somewhere between and Ditmars Blvd and Coney Island is a very smelly N train car. Interestingly enough, the egg was of the organic cage-free variety. This gives new meaning to the concept of free-range eggs.
Also, when I took the banana out of the bag, the peel was rather brown. I swear when I grabbed it this morning, it was yellow with spots. Apparently, a 30-minute ride on the NYC subway can age a banana 3 days.
pharmaceuticals
Cold symptoms that threatened me all week finally came to a head on Saturday, so I went to the local pharmacy for some Suphedrine . It’s amazing how much of a hassle it is to get nasal decongestant. Because people use it to make meth in their garages, you can’t just pick the stuff from the shelves anymore. You have to take a card from the aisle shelf and bring it to the prescription desk, since they now keep it behind the counter. So, I stood in a line and listened to this exchange between an elderly lady in search of an inhaler and the pharmacist:
Lady: but this is the one I want (waving her old inhaler)
Pharmacist: the company doesn’t make them anymore. We have a similar model, but I have to call your doctor to verify.
Lady: but this is the one I want (waving her old inhaler). For 40 years….
Pharmacist: I understand, but the company doesn’t make them anymore. We have a similar model, but I have to call your doctor to verify…
Lady: but this is the one I want (waving her old inhaler). For 40 years I use.
Pharmacist: the company doesn’t make them anymore. We have a similar model, but I have to call your doctor to verify…
Lady: but this is the one I want (waving her old inhaler). For 40 years I use. I come here.
Pharmacist: Yes, I understand, but the company doesn’t make them anymore. We have a similar model, but I have to call your doctor to verify…
On and on for ten minutes. Finally I get to the counter, give the clerk the card, and she looks at me quizzically. So I say stupidly, “I’d like these, please”. And she says to me, “this isn’t a coupon, you know.” And I say, “I KNOW it isn’t a coupon. I just need you to get it”. She finally gets the box of Suphedrine (the 48 pack because they don’t have the 24 pack) and asks for my drivers license so she can enter all my information into the computer. And then I sign for it. For COLD MEDICINE. Jesus.
Grinches and Scrooges who take off their shoes-es
This morning, I watched a ragged man in the subway station continuously punching a Grinch poster while grunting. Then, when I got on the train, a similarly disheveled man was taking up two seats muttering to himself. He then proceeded to take off one of his shoes.
New York City is awesome in a disturbing kind of way like that.
I was there / I’m Not There
My good luck (either directly or by association) continued this week when I scored free tickets from CMJ.com to the Bob Dylan tribute show at the Beacon Theater. The show was put on in conjunction with the forthcoming Todd Haynes Dylan “biopic” I’m Not There. The concert featured several artists on the film’s soundtrack covering songs by His Royal Bobness, with 100% of the proceeds going to 826 National, a non-profit organization that helps students with creative writing.It was a decidedly ramshackle affair, probably hastily assembled with whichever artists were without prior commitments (thus, heavy hitters from the soundtrack such as The Hold Steady, Stephen Malkmus, Eddie Vedder, Cat Power, Sufjan Stevens, etc. were absent). But amongst those who did show up were My Morning Jacket, Mark Lanegan, Yo La Tengo, J. Mascis, John Doe, Lee Renaldo and others of esteem.There were some sloppy moments, such as the laughably awful rendition of “All I Really Want To Do” by an obviously stoned Edward Shapre & The Magnetic Zeros (complete with utter tunelessness and constantly flubbed lyrics) and the sight of punk legend John Doe in an ill-fitting suit, singing “Ballad Of A Thin Man” with the aid of a lyric sheet.But those cringe-worthy moments were offset by highlights such as Lanegan’s perfectly growly “Man In The Long Black Coat”, “Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright” by two blokes from the band Gomez, Tift Merritt’s soulful “Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall”, and Mason Jennings’ “Times They Are A-Changing”. But the most thrilling portion of the evening was The Roots’ re-imagination of “Masters Of War”, which completely brought the house down.
Set list:
When The Ship Comes In’ (Marcus Carl Franklin)
‘Billy 1′ (Calexico)
‘Goin’ To Acapulco’ (Jim James and Calexico)
‘Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)’ (Joe Henry with Calexico)
‘Long Black Coat’ (Mark Lanegan with Calexico)
‘All I Really Wanna Do’ (Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros)
‘It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry’ (Al Kooper and the Funky Faculty with the Uptown Horns)
‘As I Went Out One Morning’ (Mira Billotte and the Million Dollar Bashers)
‘Don’t Think Twice It’s Alright’ (Ian Ball and Olly Peacock)
‘Subterranean Homesick Blues’ (Dan Hicks and The Hot Licks)
‘Rainy Day Women #12 & 35′ (Terry Adams)
‘I Wanna Be Your Lover’ (Yo La Tengo)
‘Fourth Time Around’ (Yo La Tengo)
‘Tonight I’ll Be Staying Here With You’ (My Morning Jacket)
‘The Times They Are A-Changin” (Mason Jennings)
‘Pressing On’ (John Doe)
‘Buckets Of Rain’ (Jimmy LaFave)
‘A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall’ (Tift Merritt)
‘Can’t Leave Her Behind’ (Lee Ranaldo and the Million Dollar Bashers)
‘Santa Fe’ (J Mascis and the Million Dollar Bashers)
‘Ballad Of A Thin Man’ (John Doe and the Million Dollar Bashers)
‘Masters Of War’ (The Roots)
‘All Along The Watchtower’ (The Million Dollar Bashers and guests)
The Roots performing Masters Of War at Coachella:
Read once and destroy…
I catch onto things slowly. Harry Potter, sushi, cellular phones, sexual activity – fads and institutions I was a bit slow on the uptake on, due to snobbish resistance, obliviousness, or other factors. And now you can ad blogging to the list. Why blog? Why me? Why now? Well, I must admit there has been popular demand, though I suspect it is more because all my friends are bored at work and less because I actually might have something useful, witty, informative or entertaining to say. But hey, Random House isn’t exactly offering me a six-figure advance for my memoirs, and this is probably better than my family morbidly flipping through my journals once I’m ashes and dust. Yes, it’s an indulgence of narcissism, but no more so than your average Woody Allen film. So anyway, feel free to become a faithful reader (if you read my blog, I’ll read yours and such). And if you don’t like it, you can return to downloading porn or stealing music or updating your fantasy football team. Godspeed…
